As I’m starting this post, it’s 2:11am and I’m lying in bed, typing this on my phone with manthing halfway draped across my back. Have you ever been so tired you couldn’t sleep? I honestly have no idea what my body is doing. I apologise for any incoherence in the following post. I seem to have spent most of today running on two and a half brain cells and I’m struggling to make sense of autocorrect on my phone.
Thank god Christmas and New Year is gone for another few hundred days. I managed to survive it all by the seat of my pants and a lot of coffee. Christmas day was spent visiting family (manthing’s and then mine) though we still need to see my family up north. Time seems to work strangely around celebrations. Boxing day was spent hiding at home. NYE was at my adoptive dad’s place and was very interesting. I don’t have the brain to elaborate right now, but suffice to say it was food for a lot of thought.
The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur between thr seasonal madness and my bi – weekly Chiro appointments. This means that I’ve been in a fair bit of pain and spent the last few days in a nasty pain flare. I’ve tried to do my usual socialising, but I won’t lie – it’s left me terribly worn out. I’m back to feeling like that blanket that’s been worn so much it’s fraying at the edges.
Right now I’m having trouble focusing on my writing thanks to stabbing back pain. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume I’ve managed to aggravate it today. Today was helping with fixing a shed, by the way. The problem is that all my pain seems to be linked. I’m getting the headaches and pelvic pain and then costo pain in the chest and aches in my legs. All because my back is being a twat.
I feel a little like a tangled puppet. With all of this going on, I’ve also found it hard to be motivated. I really do want to try a 365 drawing challenge. Or at least a creative challenge where I make something each day. Yesterday I helped make a shed a little tidier. Today (technically) I wrote this blog and will be helping with a Pathfinder game later in the day. The day before I made a squid beanie. The day before that… does making carbon dioxide count? If not, I made the house a little messier. In all seriousness, I really do want to do this. If you have a suggestion for a drawing, or another creative challenge leave it in the comments. I think it would be awesome to document the process so, at the end of a long week, I can look back and say “I’m not quite so useless after all”. Without the implied self – depreciation, of course. It’s just a little sense of achievement I can look forward to.
My problem tonight is that I’m exhausted but my body won’t stop and my anxiety is playing up because of the physical stress. I guess this journal had really been more of a journal than a lot of my other entries in that it’s a genuine stream of thought. On that note, I have a few articles I’d like to write up and share.
For now, I really need to pee so I’m going to wrap this blog entry up (first one for the year. How about that?), do my thing and then maybe play some Pokemon until I get comfy.
Be good ❤